I managed to get hold of three questions from this years G.C.E (General cycling Exam) Philosophy, for you to ponder on. See if you can better my answers.
1. Is it Summer Yet?
This is not as easy as you might have thought. On the one hand the sun is out, which in northern countries like England, usually prompts all sorts of inappropriately strange behaviour. Such as the buying of copious quantities of ice cream, wearing clothes that reveal far too much of what should not be revealed, and having barbecues.
From a cycling perspective you see dozens of people decide that going for a bike ride would be a great idea, often after leaving bikes unattended and uncared for in the shed for well over 9 months. You also see the appearance of commuteraris cyclismas.
Lots of people decide that cycling to work would be fun, only to give it up again as the wind starts to blow, the hills become steeper than they seemed in the car, and the natural order of the British weather reasserts itself with a downpour of rain.
Despite all of this there are better tests to determine if cycling Summer is really here. I can definitively say that time has not arrived for three reasons. No-one is yet complaining about the heat whilst out on their club run, gilets and rain capes are still being taken on rides by proper cyclists "just in case", and I wore arm warmers to work on my commute on Tuesday.
2. What should you do if you see a large can of unopened premium quality cider in the road whilst riding to work?
Clearly this indicates that you are not riding in England because no self-respecting Englishman would discard or lose such a valuable commodity. But let's say that if this did happen theoretically, there would be a natural visceral reaction to stop and retrieve the can.
But there are many valid reasons why you should not do this. First and most importantly, unless you had specifically planned your attire with the express intention of capturing and stowing a very similarly sized and shaped object, there would be a disastrous impact on the appearance of your jersey pockets. The symmetry would be ruined and quite frankly, you would be in danger of severe ridicule from all and sundry.
Second, the act of stopping and picking up the can could render you the prey of Yobbus Citroenussaxos, a well known species on the roads of Britain, always on the look out for cyclists, with a view to passing at speed or throwing things at them. Usually inane insults.
You should eschew such inducements mainly because they distract you from the awareness and experience of cycling your bike at speed.
3. Is cycling an art or a science?
Many, many people have successfully applied discipline and rigour in their attempts to get better at riding their bike. And for most of them, they have become faster, stronger, leaner bike riders, capable of going up hill at speed, or cycling 117 miles much, much faster than they used to.
Power meters, marginal gains, indoor magnetic trainers, training plans, gym work, scientific analysis have all brought huge improvements in performance of all types of cyclist, from Bradley Wiggins to Mrs Miggins.
But there is also essential truth in the phrase : "it doesn't get easier, you just go faster".
Most people think that this is some kind of paen to the virtues of training. It isn't. It's a reminder, that just as orange should only be worn on a bike by the Dutch or the Basque, and that a challenge is actually a prelude to some kind of combat, cycling is not about winning, fighting or even going fast.
It's about beauty, and about joy. It's about form and looking the part. And freedom and fun. And pain and suffering of course, but only at the right point, and only inside your own head. Not on Facebook, Strava or Twitter. Or a blog.
Just as the bee exists mainly for the benefit of procreation, so the bike exists to make us look and feel good. It is for the betterment of our souls.
Cycling must always remain, and always will be, primarily, an art form of the highest order.
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