Seven things I want when I die

When I die I want the following at my funeral:

1. My West Ham shirt collection to be given away, one shirt to anyone who turns up, and worn throughout
2. My wife (if she survives me) or failing her then the most English person you can find, to read out, WB Yeats poem "Easter 1916"
3. Play this scene from my favourite film
4. A three-legged race knock-out competition.
5. As many people as possible to turn up on bikes
6. A complete play-through of Achtung Baby to play in the background of the wake
7. This clip to be played