To go anywhere that I please

Who am I?

Ha, you weren’t expecting that were you? I was always a fan of Jean-Paul Sartre, perhaps the finest exponent of existentialism. But not the only one. So (that’s for you Stuart), what is it to exist? Back in my formative decade, the eighties, there was much talk of the dignity of labour, and how work defined so many of our existences. Much concern too, that with mass unemployment amongst the predominantly male workforce we were about to have a crisis in the heads of millions of men.

I could do that.

Of course like any self-obsessed teenage (and beyond), I’ve had my moments. A few of them in the last three weeks as I balance the rational, logical business decisions with my own feelings of hopelessness and despair. I pulled myself together, don’t worry, and now I’m fine.

Don’t make a fuss.

Anyway, the lockdown is fraying, like that gear cable you look at and think, umm, not today, maybe when I get back, or on Sunday. And then one day, you pull on the brake and....nothing, and you wish, oh you wish. Today, out on my officially-allowed exercise I saw the following:

- A group of nine or ten men gathered around a table in Axbridge, pretending to social-distance (what a shit verb), whilst really they were there for a drink and a knees-up

- Quite a few conversations on doorsteps where again people were pretending to keep a safe distance, but really they’d just popped round for a chat

- Motorbikers in groups of 3-4+, with no panniers, boxes or rucksacks. They may have had medical appointments, but they sure weren’t going shopping

- Picnics. Quite a few of these, people parked up roadside chomping away

- Young people. Now I understand if you are 17 (I still do remember, no matter what Junior thinks) being apart from your mates is hard, being apart from your boyfriend/girlfriend is actually the end of the world. A lot of that.

There was more. It’s OK though, clapping and positivity can cure all ills, make up for the lack of testing, PPE and a plan for the relaxing of restrictions without catastrophic economic meltdown. Yeah, too much politics and not enough basic competence. 

So who am I?

Haven’t you worked it out yet? 

People.

And there are  too many pictures to post of the wheels I have followed over the years, great friends, colleagues, fellow travellers and strangers I have met on trains. Somewhere deep inside, you must know I miss you.

For all of those reasons I know that in a couple of years all that feeling of togetherness, Captain Tom, we’re all in this together and enjoying the stillness of the car-free roads, will be but a vague and distant memory. What matters then?

Your values, your compass and your ethics. Believe in a higher power if you want to. But draw on your DNA, those closest to you and your integrity. You don’t need to be able to go to the pub to be free. Or even to debate the regulations and how they affect the distance you can or can’t cycle. You are as free as you decide to be.

Never quite as it seems

Are you losing track of what happened when? I know I am. Junior asked me today when I last shaved and I had to resort to looking at a calendar, figuring what had happened when, the last day I was actually in a real office, to be able to answer. I still don’t know if I was right. Anyway, in case you are bored of boredom, and also fed up with Gary Barlow, and other tedious forms of entertainment, here is my quick guide to Lockdown 2020. In no particular order

Work. I don’t really miss the real office. Unlike the virtual one I’ve been inhabiting for the last whatever. I have just the right amount of social contact and have found my job to be easily doable from home. Meanwhile, it’s all be going on for ‘so long’ that people are already talking about creating better worlds, and the new normal. Like I said, whatever, never mind. I can’t see it happening, I think people have very short memories and will revert to type soon enough.

Music. I’m late to the Spotify party but it’s been a godsend. Just like the virus supposedly. Only more heart-warming. I’ve trawled musical memories and on the walks I’ve taken in the hills and woods that surround my house, I’ve delved into the musical memories, as well as allowing the playlist suggestions to take me to wonderful new places.

Roads. Largely devoid of cars, they have become a true joy to cycle on, if you can avoid the few maniacs who feel they’ve been given some kind of licence that permits excessive speed and driving straight out of a Bond movie. It does get a bit mind-numbing to cycle all these lovely routes and roads on my own, but as we have also been blessed with an abundance of dry weather, I’m not complaining.

More Work. More of it that I can handle. Which is unfortunate as I am now only officially working for three days a week, but it’s amazing how quickly we can all adapt to working without actually being in the same physical place. I suppose we just need to be on the same page or ballpark, albeit two metres apart. But I’m a fortunate son, as I have a job still, for which I am very grateful. If I can do things I like, put bread, or crisps or cream eggs on the table, that’s what matters. 

Facial hair. As mentioned earlier, it’s been about a month. My stated aim at the beginning was to look like a Viking. But actually, as my brain meandered into thoughts of head tattoos and eyebrow-shaving, I was reminded by a friend that it’s really a mixture of boredom and rebellion. A dangerous combination and all too true. It would also make a good album title.

Americans. I haven’t seen my cousins from Oklahoma in quite a few years. Decades actually. But we still exchange messages and the like. In the new normal, virtual way. They, at least, all seem to have their heads screwed on. But some of their fellow Americans, well, I look at the news of demonstrations against lockdown and wonder how they actually became top nation. I saw news that there had been  no school shooting in March, in the USA, the first month that was true since 2002. So I fact-checked it, and aside from a variable around how these things are recorded, it wasn’t true. Because there were eight school shootings in March 2020. Plus ca change and all that.

Virus. Pretty sure I had it back in late March. Classic symptoms, very easily shared with family despite attempts to isolate in the house -how ridiculous is that exhortation - and all passed “mildly” in a little over two weeks. Except we don’t know for sure, because there’s no testing, of either the antibodies, or the infection at the time. I’m not going to the political place now, but if you know me, you’ll know what I think. Where is it going to end? You need to ask? I am pretty certain of one thing, it’s going to be bumpy for quite a while, so I hope we can hold onto the kindness epidemic.

Books. A lot of Julian Barnes, I just love both his style and his substance. I’ve have a trawl of lots of cycling stuff as you’d expect and a surprising journey through early 20th century Irish history (Like I said, plus ca change). Late to the party, but catching up quickly is some general philosophy reference material - I was on a recap of Virtue Ethics tonight. I wonder what a book would look like with all four elements combined. Don’t write in.

I have no insights today, no hackneyed exhortations. Just the best version of my song of the moment. Take care of yourself and those around you. Be generous.

Let's fast forward to a few years later

I'm not going out for exercise tonight. I've been doing low-level intensity stuff for most of the last week, and I need a bit of a break. Slobbing on the sofa, that kind of thing.

Anyway, I have something to say, even if I can't say it. Even if no one is listening.

By all accounts, this is the biggest medical, social and economic shock to our society ever. Well, if you believe that you have no concept of history. I dare say that there were a few people around in 1348 who if they were still around now might argue the toss with you. But I get the point.

In recent memory anyway. Which means the last fifty years. Or eighty at a push. Maybe even 95 if you are being particularly obtuse. But the central point of my point is that in all the clapping, the crappy videos, (and yes, I know I'm as guilty as anyone), and the self-congratulatory emails about adaptability and the like, we seem to have lost sight of something.

We've forgotten how to be human. I know I have. The truth is that bad things happen and we get through them. Sometimes we make a fuss, and sometimes we don't. Whilst it is true that the NHS workers are doing a wonderful job, so is the bin man who goes out collecting our rubbish, not knowing if it's covered in virus particles. No one claps him at 8 o'clock on a Thursday night.

The woman in the Co-op serving her customers, with the risk one of them will sneeze all over her. The supermarket shelf-stacker, toiling away at all hours of the night so you can go and get more toilet roll. Or even the local council apparatchik, bravely sat in the corner of his spare bedroom, plodding away at his laptop, not knowing if his employers are going to make him redundant tomorrow.

I've been amazed at how quick some people are to judge, criticise and demonise the actions of their fellow citizens. Maybe everyone could do with a little bit more understanding now. More listening. There are encouraging signs, but we are not there yet. If there is really going to be something good to come out of all of this, I hope it's that.

The truth is, life is difficult for everyone right now, and all of us are doing our best to make sense of it, in whatever way we can. My way is Netflix and music. Occasional exercise, to the degree I'm allowed. Yours may be something else.

But if ever there was a case for not judging, it's now.

Enjoy your evening. Thanks for listening. Oh, and keep your hands clean.